My room smells like vodka and shame
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
