and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize