i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
