Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
