yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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