i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
