I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
