Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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