Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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