chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize