Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
