I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
