who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
