I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
