It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
