a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
