Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize