if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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