these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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