If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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