upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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