Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
