His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
