talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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