The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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