at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
