we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize