Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
