just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
