On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
