I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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