so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
