you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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