why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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