So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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