Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
