just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
