Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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