dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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