Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize