Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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