dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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