separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
