i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
