mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
