hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
