I need help removing her.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
