my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
