I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Alive.
So much puke
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
