You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
