i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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