I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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