Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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