Already got asked if we're dating
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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