Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
