So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
