i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
