he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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