His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
