I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
