hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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