I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
