So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
