It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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