Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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