Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
