ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
