You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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