Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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