I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
