I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
