maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
