THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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