the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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