All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You need a sexual gate keeper
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
