Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
