That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
