there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
