Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
