Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
