Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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