saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
