Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
