There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are the jesus of drinking
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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