it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
