so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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