Non-Jews are for practice
false alarm. still invincible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
