idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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