Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
