i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
