I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
