Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
