and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
