speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
