I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
