Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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