At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
