Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
actually, I'm a sock model
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize