haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
