Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
