Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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