Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
