the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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