Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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