kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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