You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
