I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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