I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
