took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
