WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
