where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will pee on everything he values.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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