i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
